2 1/2 hour Wal Mart nightmare...

So I have not updated this blog in I have no clue. Mainly because I just simply do not have the time to write anymore. But today, I felt the need to release my stress and frustration out on my blog versus my children or husband ;)

SO. I am about to have surgery on Tuesday and I am trying to get all the little petty things done like laundry, organization, groceries stocked, oil changed in the cars, bills paid, diapers, wipes, baby and gabby food stock piled, so when I am completely out of it and drugged up I don't have to worry about it.

So today I decide to go grocery shopping. I had to return something to Wal Mart and decided hey, I will return, grocery shop, and get the oil changed in the car all at the same time. It was the perfect plan. The girlies and I loaded up in the car at 10:00. My plan was to drop the car off for a 30-45 min oil change, return my item, and grocery shop for 45 min.- hour. We drop the car off and there is no line SCORE! Well we took our time grocery shopping and my girlies were so cute bundled up in their winter gear. Gabby is my little helper when we grocery shop and she is in charge of holding all of the groceries and counting them and pointing out colors and any other games we can think of to make grocery shopping fun. Lilly is in charge of looking cute and babbling to anyone and everyone. So we check out. My girls have been Amazing up until this point. (Anyone who grocery shops with more than one child 3 and under knows you never know what will happen, and usually there are tears shed from at least one of them.)
Lil starts fussing because she is getting hungry. So I pick her up and put all of my groceries on the check out. Gabby is playing with all of the little trinkets at eevery check out where only children her size can see them. She picks up some little toy and asked me if she could get it. I said yes because she really was being great! We leave and everything is A-Ok.

We look for our car in the back parking lot, it's not there so I'm thinking it shouldn't be too much longer since we have been in here for an hour already. So we sit on the bench talking, playing I spy, and making lilly laugh. Fifteen minutes go by and I am realizing that it is lunch time, nap time, and lilly has already been ready to eat for the past 20 min. Well Gabby as any 2 1/2 year old would, starts to get restless. So she sprawls on the floor pretending to swim, Why? I have no idea She is 2! So I ask her to stand up because frankly the Wal Mart floor especially in the auto motive dept. is DISGUSTING. So does she? No. So here I am with a 7 month old on my hip, pulling my 2 year old up off the floor. Ten more minutes go by and we are facing all kinds of drama. Gabby with her obsession with the floor, Lilly starving at this point and I am just ready to get in my car and get home. Gabby deliberately kept disobeying me and now was telling me No. I took her surprise away, and that did absolutely nothing. So I pulled out the "1, 2, 3" mommy card, and yes I spanked my child because she needed to be disciplined-no it wasn't hard but it hurt her feelings enough for her to know that I was serious. So she cried for a minute and finally sat still. The next 30 min. I had to wait there listening to 3 Wal mart auto employees discuss how spanking your children, time out, taking things away and yelling at your children is child abuse. They were telling all kinds of stories about kids they have seen getting yelled at, and spanked in public.

I don't know when disciplining your children became abusive, but I am a firm believer in disciplining because I have a responsibility as a parent to teach my child how to behave. And it is EXTREMELY difficult and not a one size fits all children thing to do.

So there you a go, just ONE picture of the life of a stay at home mom. Anyone who has ever thought that we stay at home mom's do nothing is seriously mistaken. I know that working mom's work super hard too. But it is absolutely exhausting- physically, mentally, and emotionally to stay at home, make sure your house is in order, and do everything you need to do. It is the biggest blessing, but the greatest challenge.

So this one is for all you momma's out there- working or SAH momma's. You are doing a great job, and when our plans don't work out the way we think they should have, we do what we can do. And there is always tomorrow.

SIGH. Now that groceries are put away, my children are fed, and asleep it is lunch time for momma. I'm thinking nutella and a spoon. ;)

2 week healthy meal planning

So being a mom of two it can be really difficult to exercise/take the time to meal plan. It's become way too easy to drive through McDonalds and get a happy meal for Gab and dollar menu for momma when we are on the go or Chic Fil A #2 with American cheese and a sweet tea ;) And staying home all day with the girls is wonderful, but those days when nothing gets done because I literally have a 2 year old tornado running through my house destroying everything I attempt to do--they typically end up with homemade chocolate chip cookies to keep my sanity :)

Buuttt....here we are after two pregnancies and momma has gained a few extra pounds...ok a lot of extra pounds :) I have no more excuses when my mirror and camera is showing me someone I never thought I would be! Yes I just had a baby- 3 months ago. Yes, I am nursing so I'm supposed to eat more calories. BUT that doesn't mean I can eat whatever I want and expect to look like I did when Dave and I were first married. SO when Dave lost 20 pounds from doing advocare, I decided it's time for me to get my health back. So I'm starting with 2 weeks of eating purely healthy and taking the time to write out my meal plans and snacks. I say two weeks because lets face it after eating like crap for so long its really hard to go from cakes, cookies, and ice cream to carrots, bananas, and celery. I want to completely change my diet, but if I set this 2 week goal it will be a lot easier to obtain because there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or in my case 2 weeks ;) So if anyone would like to join me it should be pretty simple and enjoyable :) Here is this weeks meal plan (tentative who knows if I will actually stick to the days, but the idea is there LOL!)

Tuesday:
Breakfast- The green monster protein smoothie. 1 frozen banana, a spoon full of natural peanut butter, strawberry greek yogurt, and fill to the top with spinach leaves. It tastes amazing!! And full of protein :) So all you protein shake drinkers, try this! It will not disappoint ;)

Lunch- Tuna Salad. one can of light chunk tuna-drain the water. squeeze in some mustard and relish and throw in 1 hard boiled egg. It looks awful, but honestly doesn't taste any different than with mayo. The mustard actually gives it more of a kick ;) spread on some whole grain bread with sliced tomato on top.

Dinner- Chicken tortilla soup. My sis actually gave me this recipe and it is so good it's one of our favorites. I'm actually putting it in my crock pot but you can cook it on the stove as well. 1 box of low sodium chicken broth, 1 can of black beans, 1 can of dark red kidney beans, 1 can of tomatoes, frozen corn, I'm using 5 frozen chicken tenderloins, 1 chopped green pepper, 1 chopped small onion, and a pack of low sodium taco seasoning. We usually put crushed tortilla chips and shredded cheese on top, but we are cutting those out tonight ;)

Wednesday:
Breakfast- The green monster
Lunch- Left over chicken tortilla soup.
Dinner- Southwest chicken wraps. These are another favorite recipe. 1 3/4 cup of brown rice, 1 chopped red pepper, 1 chopped red onion, 1 can of drained black beans, 4 grilled chicken tenderloins- cooked with olive oil and seasoning salt and spinach tortilla shells and salsa. We usually use sour cream and cheese, but are cutting that out this week :)

Thursday:
Breakfast- The green monster
Lunch- Left over southwest chicken wraps
Dinner- Chopped Salad: Romaine lettuce, chopped avocado, chopped tomato, chopped red onion, 2 chopped boiled eggs, chopped grilled chicken, 1 can of drained black beans, topped with raw sunflower seeds, with lime juice, balsamic vinegar and seasoning salt.

Friday:
Breakfast- The green monster
Lunch- sliced avocado, sliced tomato, sliced red onion, with lime and cilantro.
Dinner- Chicken and vegetable stir fry: Grilled chicken, zucchini, squash, carrots, peppers, onion, and broccoli. Use olive oil and seasoning salt.

Saturday:
Breakfast- The green monster
Lunch- Tuna salad
Dinner-Cayenne rubbed chicken with avocado salsa. I haven't actually tried this one, but it sounds delicious!! 4 boneless chicken breast halves, sea salt, ground pepper, 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper, 2 tbs olive oil, 1 red onion diced, fresh lime juice, 1 chopped avocado. I will probably serve this with green beans

Sunday:
Breakfast- The green monster
Lunch- Natural Peanut butter and banana sandwich on whole grain bread.
Dinner- Taco Salad: Romaine lettuce, 1 pound of 93% lean ground beef, chopped tomato, chopped onion, pack of taco seasoning, and salsa on top (Maybe a few sprinkles of cheese ;) Who eats taco salad without cheese!)

Monday:
Breakfast- The green monster
Lunch- Left over taco salad
Dinner- Grilled salmon with wild rice, and grilled zucchini and squash.

Last but not least snack ideas throughout the week: Raw carrots, peanut butter and celery, bananas, oranges, grapes, strawberries with a spoonful of nutella ;), raw almonds, peaches, plums, greek yogurt, and whatever else I come up with.

As far as exercise goes, anyone with more than one young child not in school knows exercise is extremely hard to fit in. So I'm going to keep it pretty simple. I just got a double stroller for the girls so I would like to go for a brisk walk at least 5 times a week if not every day. And do postpartum exercises like elbow planks and a few others I found on pinterest. Wish me luck! :)

Writing is therapeutic

David decided to take Gabby with him on his coffee date with Justin today, and I was able to sit down and write a song. It has been SO long since I've been able to take the time, think, and just play and write. With everything that has been going on it didn't take me very long to have "inspiration" to write, and honestly I could probably write 100 verses of how I felt these past 3 weeks. With that I hope my words encourage someone. I don't know what I'm going to title it yet but here is what I have so far- if you have suggestions let me know.

I see you lying there

Your color shades of grey 

And everything in me just wants to turn away

To give up life, to give up hope...

but I just breathe

Give me faith, give me what I need

Meet me here, I'm face to face with reality

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief 

I want You

I need You

Sleepless nights and endless days

my heart is wrecked, my body aches

to see you suffer, I can't bear it anymore...

but I just breathe

Give me faith, give me what I need

Meet me here, I'm face to face with reality

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief 

I want You

I need You

I need You, I need You

No one else can give me strength like You do

I need You, I need You

with everything that is within me I trust You

Going home with Lilly for good.

All I can say is that God knows me so well and He truly will not give you more than you can handle. He will stretch you pretty far and farther than what you think you can go though! So we went through the 48 hour no episode at the hospital. I asked all the nurses and doctors if its possible for her to have any more after we are discharged. They said it is not impossible but it is highly highly unlikely. We knew that she was going to go home with a cough. Hello she does have whooping cough and I knew she would have little cough spats that we would have to suction out all of the junk she would cough up with the bulb syringe. We get te discharge orders and are soooo excited to go home. Gabby literally did a happy dance in every room of our house at 10 pm! ;) we finally go to sleep for the night and I hear Lilly cough so we sit her up like we have been doing all along and she cough cough coughs and all of a sudden she starts going into her deep cough where it sounds almost as if she is gulping her cough and Dave and I panic...I immediately flip on the light to see if there is color change and she stops breathing, around her mouth and eyes turn blue and all we have is this bulb syringe, where up until this point I thought that thing was only to get nasty boogers out of her nose. She finally gasps for air and does her little coughing spell and her most pitiful saddest heart wrenching little whine after and immediately falls asleep from exhaustion. I wanted to call 911 right then and there. We call the nurse line at CM and they said we need to bring her back immediately. So we rush to the ER yet again and start all over. I finally got back to our room around 3:30 am and talked with the nurses and doctor and they say we need to start the 48 hour count down again. She has another episode at 5 am. I slept in pretty late considering how late or how early I went to bed. I was so overwhelmed at really had no clue how to process everything that was going on. And then the doctor comes in and I know God sent her to me at that very moment. She comes in to talk with me about the 48 hour release. But then she tells me that her son had pertussis at 20 days old and has first hand experience with this disease. Her story was almost identical to mine where she begged for him to be tested and was denied up until the point where it was too late for antibiotics to help anything other than take away contagiousness. She then goes on to tell me they call it the 100 day cough for a reason, and that she will more than likely have coughing episodes where she has apnea (stops breathing) randomly this next month and possibly through September. But she gives us another option vs. staying in the hospital that long or coming back everytime this happens. She said they went home with an apnea monitor that alarms when heart rate and oxygen level are too low and oxygen. She makes the call for us to get this set up, and we are thrilled! Honestly Dave and I have seen this so many times now that we feel more comfortable doing everything than watching a nurse do it. Faith is an easy thing to talk about but the hardest thing to do when reality is literally slapping you in the face. The healing for her was always there and those two days we went with no episodes I believed it, received it, prayed for it. But when we got home and she started coughing I immediately panicked and doubted and wondered if she would stop breathing. It is so easy to have this unshaking faith for someone else that in reality if something actually happened to them they would think it was horrible in the moment, but it wouldn't effect them for the rest of their life. It is another thing to have faith for someone so close to you, that it would change the rest of your life. Dave and I talked about do we just have faith that God is going to completely heal our little girl? Or do we just keep her in the hospital just in case? Does that mean our faith is weak? And are we perfectly ok with Gods sovereignty that whether he heals her or the unthinkable happens? And I told Dave that I could not live with myself for the rest of my life if something happened- I would blame myself. And God met me where I was, and gave me a doctor who has worked here the whole time, who from the beginning I knew her name and she was just never assigned to Lilly. Who just happened to have the same story as me. I don't believe that was just coincidence. He saw my weakness and met me where I was. Is it embarrassing for me to admit that, absolutely. I wish I could have this amazing testimony that God miraculously healed my daughter wholely and completely. And I'm sure I would have that story if I had just believed him for it. But the funny thing is He still gets all the glory. He still gave me an answer and he still can heal her completely, but he gave me exactly what I needed in this moment. And in the end my faith to trust that He will provide exactly what I needed has grown and He still gets all the glory. I hope and pray we don't even have to use it at home, but how good is my God to give that to me so I can leave this hospital with confidence. He never fails. My faith and trust may fail, but He never does. I may be weak, but Your spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God you never will.

Update on Lilly

So the past two weeks have been the most heartbreaking, frustrating, helpless two weeks I think I have ever lived. We have literally lived in Dr. offices, the ER, and the hospital for two weeks. I'm pretty sure everyone at college park knows me by my first name now. Where to begin?

Two weeks ago today Dave and I took the girls for Lilly's 8 week check up and Gabby's 2 year check up. Both had their shots- I don't think it ever gets easier watching your babies get shots. Gabby talks now, so when they gave her the shot she said, "Owwwww, that hurts!!!" and sobbed :( and of course any mother/father knows the devastation of watching your tiny 8 week old(or in my case chunky) get shots for the first time is mortifying. But life went on.

Thursday morning: Lilly wakes up with a cough. No big deal right? WRONG! What started out as a simple cough here cough there has manifested itself into these horrible coughing fits where my baby girl is struggling to breathe each fit. From the beginning my mom was convinced it was whooping cough. I actually thought she was crazy, but with 48 hours of 1000 phone calls from Nana asking how many times she had coughed, I decided to take her to urgent care Saturday morning to prove she did not have it. We take her in, the Dr. examines her and says she is perfectly fine. Mom insists on getting herself tested for pertussis (whooping cough) so they do and send us on our way. 

So Sunday, she is coughing more but nothing alarming. Monday morning, she woke up and coughed and made the tiniest little "whoop" sound. I thought wow, maybe she could have pertussis? So I call to schedule an appt. with her dr. and ended up seeing her nurse practitioner because she was available instead. They examine her, and say you would KNOW if she had pertussis. It wouldn't be "maybe we should take her to the Dr. It would be we need to get to the ER right now." So they denied to test her for pertussis. So that made me feel better. The only concern they had on monday was that her temp. was right at 100 and said if it got over 100.4 I should just take her to the ER. Well we get home, she is sleeping soundly in her car seat, I get her out to feed her and noticed she felt really warm. I took her temp and it was 101.3. So we loaded up to go to the ER. By the time we got to the ER her temp had spiked to 104! So immediately they start taking blood samples, put an iv in her hand, used a catheter to get a urine sample, stick all these wires on her chest to watch her on a monitor, and do xrays. All I can say is I heard new cries all day that day. The first Dr. comes in to talk to us and ask questions. I mention that the reason we even knew to check her temp today was because we took her in for her cough and they noticed her temp was a little higher than they'd like. We asked AGAIN if it could possibly be pertussis and the Dr. said there was NO way that it could be. Still not convinced 7 pm rolls around and we ask the new Dr. and she said the same thing. However they wanted to admit us to the hospital to observe her. 

Hospital dr. comes in to talk with me. He said that her white blood cell count was really high and that he thought we should do the spinal tap just to make sure that it is not a bacterial infection. I agreed even though everything in me did not want her to have to go through one more thing. They got the room ready and I can't describe the pain I felt watching my baby go through that. They had to curl her in a ball making her head almost touch her toes. and fill 4 vials of her spinal fluid which they had to stick her with needles at least 2 times in her back for each vial. My heart almost exploded after everything they had done to her. We get back to the room and they said it would take 48 hours before they would have the results. So we waited and waited and waited! Seriously it was like time stood still for two whole days. The night before we went home she had her first scary coughing fit. She was struggling to breathe. I called the nurse in and she told me it was most likely the fluids just making the cough sound worse than what it actually was. I talked with the Dr. the next morning about it, and she said the same thing. I asked her if we should test her for pertussis and she said no, not to worry about it. So later that afternoon we get the release papers. At this point she had still been having a few coughing fits where she would struggle to breathe a couple times and eventually catch her breath. Before we leave I asked the new dr. if we should test her just in case before we leave. She said no, because it was a viral infection a cough just comes with it, and with her being on all those fluids it is sounding worse than what it is. 

We leave. We get home. Thursday night was a nightmare. She had coughing fits all night. So I call the next morning to schedule her follow up appt. Her pediatrician was out of town, so I scheduled with who was available. Take her in, ask if she should be tested for pertussis, because her cough is only getting worse and she is struggling to breathe. They examine her, look at her hospital report, and say it will go away on its own. At this point I am done. I am done with taking her to the Dr.  and I am done with looking like I am a crazy person for still believing there is something seriously wrong with my daughter. 

The weekend she only gets worse. More coughing fits, longer struggles to breathe and now she turns bright red during her coughing spells. Sunday she had a pretty good day, and I think to myself maybe she is getting better! No, Sunday night was the worst of all-or what I thought until Monday evening/night. Monday had progressed to she would gasp for air to the point where her lips were turning blue. She even had two spells where she would simply gasp for air without even coughing. Mom said take her to the ER now. But considering everything we had been to, talking with 8 different doctors telling me all the same thing--I was tired of giving them thousands of dollars to tell me nothing was wrong with my baby girl. So Tuesday morning I called in and demanded to get in with her pediatrician. She is extremely difficult to get in to without scheduling an appointment months in advance. But I refused to talk with anyone but her at this point. I took her in yesterday morning and just explained how she has progressed. Her first response was she needs to be tested for pertussis and put on antibiotics immediately. SERIOUSLY?! I almost couldn't believe it. I guess it took me saying that I'm having to rehearse CPR in my head in case she stopped breathing and 911 didnt get there fast enough. 

I can't even begin to say how frustrated I am. For such a simple test that I wanted her to have all along, it has progressed so much to the point where antibiotics might not be enough for her. The test results take 3 days before they show if it is negative or positive and I am so anxious it's not even funny. All I can say is if she has to be hospitalized and put on oxygen, I know 8 doctors who are going to pay for every bit of it. When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy and momma bear inside might just have to come out. ;) 

All that to say please pray for her! Please pray for my irritable level as well that I don't take it out on my precious 2 year old or my hunk of a husband for that matter. I just feel so helpless. I would give anything to switch places with her so she doesn't have to suffer like that :( And if the results come back negative, I don't know what to do. There is something seriously wrong. She said she wants to try acid reflux medication if the results come back negative, but I really don't think it could be. She has never struggled eating (it is obvious by the rolls that just keep rolling on her legs, belly, arms..well everywhere.) I just want her to be better. I really don't care what it takes, how much it costs....there is nothing I wouldn't give for her to be better. 

3 weeks left?!

Hello 37 weeks! I cannot believe I am already to this point. This pregnancy has absolutely flown by-which I am not complaining :) Nesting is fully settled in and now I am just waiting for my little miss to come!

The nursery is back and ready to go!! And here is one of my projects I put together for Gabby's room- $15 book shelves :) 

Speaking of little miss, she does have a name and I haven't even "publicly" announced it.

Lillian Grace. If you go to COTH you know that names represent the character, nature, personality, and authority of a person and there is so much to this name that I absolutely adore. Obviously Lillian means "flower, or Lilly" but Lilly represents purity, cleanliness, renewal, and essence.
When I found out I was having another little girl, I immediately started praying 2 Timothy 2:21-22 over my girls.

 "If you keep yourself pure, you will be a utensil God can use for his purpose. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. 22 Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts."


And Grace which means favor, blessing. So little miss Lilly Grace, you are more than welcome to come anytime :)

 

(Here is her little profile :))

Well as a stay at home mom, life is never boring :) It has been the best couple of months spending all of my time with Gabby. She is so full of life and just loves people so much. We got her a princess potty chair a few weeks ago, and I'm not full on potty training, but she will tell me that she wants to sit on her potty several times a day and she really does go!! She'll get up and point and say "Look! Look!" And then of course we "YAY!!" and clap! I cannot believe how much she is talking! I pretty much talk to her like a little person. We have some pretty awesome conversations. I think my favorite "new thing" that she does is her "pouty face". If Dave or I get on to her or tell her no, she pooches her lips out and then lays face down for like 30-45 seconds in silence. It is so hard to not laugh!!! I am so anxious to see how she is going to react to Lilly...I honestly have no clue what she will do. I think she will be excited, sad, jealous all at the same time. Pray for her and for me the first several weeks that Lilly is here :)

Between my basketball of a belly and Gabby's spiral curly red hair, people seriously do not keep their hands off us!! I expect it at church, but at the grocery store and the mall from complete strangers?! It really creeps me out at times. I'm getting the "Wow you look like you are about to pop", "You're as big as a house!" "You look like you are due any minute", "You are HUGE!!" comments quite regularly. Can I just be honest and say that it doesn't make us pregnant women feel good about ourselves :) I mean our emotions are already out of control, our bodies have gone through so much trauma--In Jenny's words our bellies look like it's been attacked by a tiger from stretch marks-LOVE it! And at this point in the game we are tired, swollen, waddling, feel super unattractive in maternity clothes and secretly jealous of everyone wearing super cute spring outfits while we look like a whale ;) Feet and hands start to swell, super white because we can't fake bake...I just would like to say on behalf of every expecting mother out there, Even though we smile and may even say "Thanks" we don't enjoy those comments ;) and sometimes we do cry in private if we hear it too many times. So the next time you see an extremely pregnant lady--especially if you don't know her--Think about what she is going through before you just go and say, "Wow you are huge!" LOL.

Peace out from the Holland's, and stay tuned...Life is about to get pretty exciting with a family of 4 Holland's- Holla!