A couple days ago, Dave and I were up doing our morning routines and we happened to be brushing our teeth together. I had a hot pink barbie tooth brush that was somewhat normal size while he was rocking a hot pink Dora the explorer toddler tooth brush…you know the ones where the bristle is literally the size of one tooth ;) You see, our youngest Lilly who is a year and a half has an obsession with "chhhh" aka toothbrushes. aka brushing her teeth. She often puts them in places I can never find. A few times I've found them in the basement while a guest was over. The guest asks "is that a toothbrush?" I laugh, "Yeah, its probably an old one." But really I'm thinking, "That little stinker took my toothbrush to the playroom!!" So Dave and I are brushing our teeth, I chuckle to myself with toothpaste all over my mouth, spit, and ask "Did you picture life to be like this 5 years ago?" He laughed really hard and said "No."
So here we are! 5 years later, blessed with two little girls and one little peanut on the way. It's hard to believe that out of the 5 anniversaries we have had, 3 of them I have been pregnant in my first trimester. Woo! If you are blessed with amazing pregnancies, seriously you are BLESSED!!!!!!! But our marriage has survived yet another first trimester, and for those of you who have experienced the wrath of first trimester, aka puking 24/7 (There is no such thing as morning sickness- it is all day in my case), 0 energy to where laundry has literally piled up and you are starring at 10 loads of clean laundry wondering if you can even fold a pair of socks, you fall asleep at 8 pm because you are putting your children asleep and you can't seem to wake yourself back up, the emotional roller coaster of wanting to cry because you thought you ran out of soy sauce when you made chicken fried rice, and lets be honest…you can't have chicken fried rice without soy sauce ;)
I'd say that we have figured out that marriage is no walk in the park. It is difficult, painful, beautiful, wonderful all at the same time. But really that's just life. These 5 years have been the best and the worst 5 years of my life…I can't tell you how amazing it is to be married, I can't even begin to describe how beautiful it was to give birth to two little girls…but even more so to be a family and have nights of pillow fights, bath time, reading books, watching movies, kitchen dance parties, late night ice cream drives to keep our sanity, the wonderful rare nights of both the girls asleep before 7:30! Life can be beautiful! But life can also be painful….losing loved ones to tragic deaths, freak accidents, or just life. Offense in relationships- holy cow! If you haven't figured out that in life, people are going to offend you…and most of the time it is not intentional. In sickness and in health…..yeah there has been a lot of sickness in our family…those aren't pretty days/nights especially the 24 hour flu bug that has visited our home a couple times! The sense that you really cannot control life or your children. With my two year old almost drowning last summer and my sweet lilly getting whooping cough last fall….those are moments that will either make or break you.
You know the term, when it rains- it pours! That was definitely my life last year. It was just one thing after another. Dealing with the reality that my dad has decided to leave our family after 30 years for someone who represents everything He is not…has been…the worst thing I have ever lived through. I wonder when I'm ever going to "get over it" but each day is different. Some days I'm totally ok. Other days I am broken, devastated, emotional, and would give anything to have my family be whole for just one more day and have a family brunch with all the chaos of 4 children running round and round through the kitchen, the living room, the foyer and the dining room--toys starting in one room but finding ways to all the others. The boys joking and laughing so loud the house shakes. My mom and sisters sitting in our pjs on the couch deciding what we are going to do for the day.. I've never known what a broken family is like, because my whole life family has been wonderful, always there for each other. Our family was never perfect, but we did everything together. I know that God is doing something…many things…through all of this, but I can honestly say that even though it has been the worst thing, it has shown me an entirely new side of my husband David. I know that there is not a single person in the world that could have walked beside me this year especially and have encouraged me in ways that are so God breathed, Holy Spirit inspired, and covered in love…David…you have loved me so well. In the good times, but especially through the bad times--the horrible times. You have been a rock. A constant. Your faith challenges me, inspires me, and moves me. There are two things that you have said to me this past year that constantly run through my mind. "God gives us what we need, when we need it." And "God does a million things, through one thing". You are incredible David Holland…And there is no way I could have gone through these years without you by my side.
But that's what marriage is…walking through life together. It's not easy, but God truly does give us what we need when we need it. When one of us is weak the other is strong. When both of us our weak the Lord is stronger. We've argued more than once--ok a lot more than once, but I know that I love you more today than I did when I promised to spend the rest of my life with you.
Happy anniversary to my love, my best friend, my encourager…I love you!!
