Today I felt the urge to just write. A day to just be real with where I am at in life and to give a glimpse into a simple stay at home moms life. Hopefully this will bring encouragement to someone who is really having a hard time with life in general. So here we go...
I'm 25 years old...pregnant with my 3rd little one, and there are days that I wake up and think "how in the world did I get here?" When I was pregnant with my 1st, Gabby, there was this incredible excitement to enter motherhood--the desire to stay home and raise my little girl was for me exciting and I was a bit naive and thought she would just kind of fit into my life. I knew it would be difficult at times, but for the most part I thought it would be easy, relaxing, and wonderful. Well reality hit me on June 22nd, 2010 and I quickly realized that motherhood is not as glamorous as what my fairy tale head imagined it to be. It has exposed every bit of selfishness in me and has forced me to make a decision to be selfless when it comes to my husband and my children. It has made me dependent on Christ...there are days where I let exhaustion, and when I'm hangry, and just this sense that I need a break- or I need some me time...a shower for instance would be nice to take alone where I don't have to reach over an almost 2 year old and an ever growing belly to shave my legs. I will open my bible and it's as if God is speaking directly to me reminding me that my life is not my own..He is so gracious with me, always teaching me, always showing me how to be more like Him when I reach the end of myself. Now entering this common season of life for me for the 3rd time, I have mixed emotions. I know the exhaustion of what lies ahead, I know the seasons of feeling alone and wondering if you will ever be able to just have lunch with a friend and have an adult conversation again. The struggle of finding that balance of being a mom and spending time with The Lord...I think for me that was the hardest change. Going from a life of being able to spend hours at my keyboard worshipping, reading my bible and actually studying it whenever I wanted...with Gabby I flipped completely to the other spectrum, and since she demanded so much of my time I just gave it all to her. But when I had Lilly I realized I can't be the best mom to my girls without spending time with The Lord--that I was doing them a disservice by not letting them see that part of me. It has not been easy, but The Lord gives me exactly what I need and knows my heart. So the 10 minutes that used to be 2 hours can actually be more fulfilling to me.
So here we go...a picture of my last couple of days :)
So the past two days have been filled with tears from my almost 2 year old...she hasn't felt well, and it's been a long two nights with getting up to give my girls Tylenol, or cuddling with two little ones who have the "chilly's", and just want to be next to me at 3am--while all I can think about is this ever growing belly and popping tums like skittles in the middle of the night because of heart burn, and getting leg cramps when I move my leg, and trying to roll over, but part of me is like a bag of sand that I have to help roll over ;) For whatever reason Gabby has been not wanting to sleep in her bed for like the past 4 months...I have no idea why. She says that she is scared. So for the past week we have been memorizing "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind." I would love to say that it helps her sleep in her bed, but it doesn't :) However this morning my girls were playing together and Gabby told Lilly to go get something in the basement, and Lilly says "I scared" and Gabby looked at her and said "you don't have to be scared. God gives us power, love, and what's the other one mommy?" My heart literally stopped. And in that simple moment, nothing else mattered. The exhaustion of being pregnant with two little ones, the sleepless nights, and the now going on second day of not showering, my hair looking like there is a bird or something that lives in it, my half folded laundry that will get finished after I'm done writing this...none of that mattered to me. I always joke to people that I cannot wait for My girls to experience salvation so the Holy Spirit can start convicting their little attitudes 😂. But in all seriousness, I see so much sensitivity in Gabby toward The Lord. And to hear her little voice talking about Him, to walk in on her worshipping--when she doesn't even know that she is worshipping, to hear her quote scripture to her younger sister, to tell me what she learns at church every Sunday, to hear her sing songs that I know they sing at children's church, to hear her talk about Jesus to her friends...I just get overwhelmed with how good God is. Yes, I am a really young mom, and most people my age are enjoying life and have all the freedom in the world. There are days where I feel so alone, but I wouldn't trade these moments with my girls for anything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. With every season there is always going to be extremely difficult and trying times, but there will also always be something beautiful in every season. Enjoy the good with the difficult, and understand that life never gets easy. The Lord is constantly taking us from faith to faith and from glory to glory. It's how we grow. So whatever season you are in, see the beauty in it-- know that God is teaching you and preparing you for the next season of your life :)
So here is a small glimpse into my life as a stay at home mom...
Trying to entertain 2 little girls-- All day, Every day.
Playing with play dough for the first time when the colors are actually separated…the one and only time ;)
The messiness…I don't know why my husband thought it was a good idea to buy flurp or whatever its called for valentines day...
At least one of my girls is usually half naked…but that's ok, we usually stay home :)
The potty. Oy. The constant wiping of little booties…the accidents, the yays and clapping every time we poop and pee.
The random times I actually take the time to get ready and look like a decent 25 week pregnant lady…My husband surprised me with a much needed date night.
The picture I sent to Dave, wondering if I would survive until he got home.
The little developing personalities...
The sense of fashion...
The silliness...
The beauty of sunshine after a LONG winter. They picked their own outfits today ;)
The never ending half folded laundry...
And last, the picture of pure exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and success of putting a crying almost 2 year old to sleep for a nap--covered in snot, chocolate milk, and unshowered. And the moment I decided to even write this blog today…This is the picture of motherhood. This is me 90% of the time. This is my life. And it's beautiful, exhausting, difficult, rewarding, lonely at times, but I wouldn't trade this season of life for anything--because the Lord has taught me so much about not only myself, but about Him. Life is beautiful in every season--even when we don't always see it.
We painted get well paintings for their cousins. I even painted a little something--don't be jealous of my art skills ;)
I don't want my kids growing up thinking that I'm always stressed out about the house being perfect, or that I always raise my voice, or that I just need them to go downstairs and play by themselves. I'm not a perfect mom, and I know I have responsibilities to keep my house in order, but I have decided that my first priority as a stay at home mom is to be just that- a mom. Not a house keeper. They are only little for so long and this crazy, messy season of life will be over in a blink of an eye. There is always laundry to be done, there is always dishes to be put away, but my littles will not be little forever. So for the mom who feels like she has to have it all together- since the common question for us stay at home moms is "what do you do all day?", take some time to just be mom and have fun playing with your kids :)
